Not Dad
by KrazzeeAJ1701
Summary: People think Chris is Jim's dad. Modern AU. Fem!Jim. Pirk.
1. Chapter 1

So, JaneyKatherineHummingbird wrote this adorable fic on AO3 about F!Kirk/Pike and how people thought that Chris was the grandfather to his and Kirk's child. I couldn't help but think up some other occasions where that might happen.

I'll mark it as complete but I'm sure I'll keep adding to it.

* * *

"Are you and your daughter ready to order?" the waitress asked him. Chris looked across the table and watched as Jim tried her damnedest not to burst into laughter.

"Can you give us a minute?" he asked. The woman smiled at him before walking away. "That's not funny."

"Of course it is, _dad_ ," Jim chuckled.

"Don't ever call me that again," Chris said with a laugh of his own.

"I don't know why people keep thinking you're my father."

"I am twice your age."

"You don't look like it. Or act like it," she said, her too blue eyes looking him over. "Besides, you're only as young as the woman you feel and you do a lot of _feeling_." The fact that either of them made it to work that morning was a damn miracle considering how carried away they got in the shower. Then again, some days were just like that. "I think she likes you and it's easier to wrap her head around the idea that I'm your daughter."

"Could be. Or it could be an honest mistake," he smiled.

"We could make out on the table and see what kind of reaction we get," Jim offered.

"As much as I like the idea of ravishing you right here and now, we'd probably get arrested."

"But it would be so worth it."

"Have you made a decision?" the waitress asked as she stepped over to their table, clearly annoyed about something.

"Ah, yes. My fiancée and I will each have the special," Chris said. As expected, the waitress looked at Jim but Jim was looking at him with 'fuck me' eyes. Her head resting on her hand, the aquamarine engagement ring that once belonged to his mother sparkling in the light.

"Excellent choice," the waitress said, containing her shock, before walking away.

"You are naughty," he chuckled.

"You like me that way."


	2. Chapter 2

Well, I did another one.

* * *

Jim hates these stupid parties almost as much as he does. It's not that there's something inherently wrong with them, it's more about the people. Because Jim is a natural charmer, Chris didn't really understand why she would have such a problem until now. Though she had a beautiful smile on her face, she was becoming increasingly annoyed with the small group of women in her face.

"Are you planning on following you father's footsteps?" he overheard someone ask.

"My father?" Jim asked incredulously. "Or do you mean Chris?"

"Uh, ladies," Chris said, jumping in and wrapping an arm around Jim's waist.

"Hey, darling," she said, smiling up at him in that way she does. "These lovely ladies were just asking how I felt about taking after my father but I'm pretty sure they meant you."

"Me, your father? That would be weird," he chuckled.

"Not to mention incestuous. I mean, I don't know about anyone else but I'm pretty sure being engaged to your dad is a big no-no," Jim said with as straight a face as she could muster.

"Engaged?" one of the women asked.

"Yes, engaged. I'm not his daughter. And, to answer your question, my father is dead but I'm already like him. Now, if you'll excuse us, I'm gonna take my fiancé home and have my way with him."

"They're gonna be talking about that forever," Chris laughed as soon as they made their way outside the pretentious hotel where the party was being held.

"Maybe but they'll never mistake you for my dad again," she smiled. "The idiots do know that I work for the same company you do, right? I mean, am I that easy to miss?"

"No, you're not. Though, to be fair, you do keep a low profile around the office."

"Better to do my job that way," Jim pointed out. "That still doesn't mean they can just say whatever they want. What if I really was your daughter?"

"They're just being gossips, sweetheart, don't worry about it."

"I don't worry about gossip. I worry that one of them is going to do or say something that I have to fix later."

"Crisis management is your job."

"And I have more important things to worry about," Jim said with a smirk.

"Like what?" Chris asked as he draped his suit jacket over her shoulders.

"Like how long it would take me to get you out of the rest of this."


	3. Chapter 3

"What about this one?" Jim asked with a sigh. "And don't say 'You look beautiful, Jim.' It's starting to annoy me."

"But you do look beautiful," he smiled. "Very, very beautiful."

"God, you're not helping. You do know that I don't care about what goes under that gown, right? I'm quite content with going commando. This is more for your benefit than mine," she pointed out, her hands on her hips. Despite how much she detested shopping, especially lingerie shopping, she seemed perfectly at ease standing around in next to nothing. That confidence is one of the many reasons he loved her so damn much.

"You honestly think I could get through the ceremony if I knew there was nothing under your wedding dress?" Chris asked his fiancée.

"Probably not. Doesn't change the fact that you should probably just pick something. Surprise me," Jim said. "I promise I will wear whatever you choose."

"Whatever I choose, huh?" he asked with a smirk.

"Yes. I've seen enough silk and lace to last me a lifetime… or two," she told him.

"Have we made some decisions?" the saleswoman asked, approaching them with her eerie timing.

"Yes," Chris smiled. "We'll take it."

"What she has on?" the girl asked with a smile.

"Everything she's tried on," he said.

"Are you nuts?" Jim asked, her blue eyes widening. "This is La Perla. You're talking about thousands of dollars' worth of _underwear_. I mean, if you wanna buy me something, buy parts for the Stingray not underwear. I can't…"

"You can and you will. You promised to be okay with whatever I chose and I pick everything. The joys having a job that pays really well means that I can spend money on whatever or whomever I want," Chris smiled. How's that for a surprise?

"I…" Jim looked like she wanted to argue with him so bad but she wouldn't; she did promise and he was right. "Dammit."

"Awe, your dad is so sweet," the saleswoman said.

"Really?" the couple asked in unison. "We're engaged," also in unison. Jim held her expression for all of ten seconds before she burst into laughter.

"Who tries on lingerie for their dad?" his love asked between laughs. "That is just so…"

"Wrong," he finished for her. "So very, very wrong."


	4. Chapter 4

"I still don't see why we have to redecorate your house," Jim said with a playful pout.

"Of course you do. I think you just want an excuse to go back to bed," he chuckled.

"Who needs an excuse when they have you?" she smiled. "But seriously, this is unnecessary."

"I don't think it is. I think my house looks like my house when it should really look like our house. I want you to add your touch."

"So... I'll hang a Beastie Boys poster in the garage. I happen to like your house just the way it is."

When they decided on where to live after they got married, Jim proposed the idea of just living in his house. Given that he did own it and the value hadn't gone up enough to make a profit, he could understand what her line of thought was. Chris also knew that Jim's idea of home and family was more about the people and not about the location. She genuinely didn't care about where they were, as long as they were there together. So, Chris decided that his soon-to-be wife should probably have some input on what their home looked like, even if she doesn't agree.

"Our house, Jim. Our house."

"You know what I meant and that still doesn't change my position. We don't need to redecorate," Jim asserted.

"Everyone needs a little change now and again," a salesman said as he put his arm around Jim's shoulders. "It doesn't have to be a major thing, just something that says 'I live here'."

"Have you ever been punched out by a woman?" his love asked calmly.

"More than once," the idiot cheerfully declared. "Even though they hit me, they left here very happy. Now, moving back in with your parents can be an interesting experience. Fortunately, your father seems to be embracing your new situation."

"Fiancé," Jim and Chris said at the same time.

"Oh, even better," the salesman smiled as he moved his arm from around Jim's shoulders and looped her arm around Chris'. "If this man wants you to decorate, honey, decorate. If you won't, I sure as hell will."

Jim looked up at Chris with a raised eyebrow and he just smiled at her. "You heard the man, _honey_."


End file.
